Jealousy In Adult Ballet (You're Not a Terrible Person)

There’s something I don’t think we talk about enough as adult dancers.

Jealousy.

Even writing that word feels a little uncomfortable. It’s not something most of us want to admit to, especially in a space that’s supposed to feel supportive and encouraging.

But if you’ve ever walked out of class feeling a mix of admiration and something heavier, or

if you’ve ever caught yourself comparing, even when you didn’t want to…

You’re not alone.

The quiet version of jealousy

Jealousy as an adult doesn’t usually look dramatic. It’s quieter than that. It shows up as:

* self-doubt

* comparison

* a subtle feeling of being behind

And what makes it confusing is that it can exist at the same time as genuine kindness.

You can be happy for someone and still feel that ache.

You can admire someone’s dancing and still feel discouraged about your own.

That tension is real. And it can be exhausting.

Why ballet brings it out

Ballet is a visual art form, which means:

Your progress is visible.

Your struggles are visible.

Your body is visible.

You’re learning in a room, in front of a mirror, next to other people doing the same combinations (some who might look more more confident or more proficient than you feel). So of course you notice.

You notice:

* who picks things up quickly

* who gets fewer corrections

* who looks comfortable in their body

There’s also the physical side of ballet, the things we can’t always change quickly, or at all.

Turnout. Feet. Flexibility. Lines.

It’s a very specific (and brutal) kind of comparison that doesn’t exist in many other spaces, in my experience.

When it’s not just comparison

What I’ve come to realize is that jealousy, especially as an adult dancer, often has something deeper underneath it. Often, it’s grief.

Grief for:

* starting later than you wish you had

* progress that feels slower than you expected

* things your body doesn’t do the way you hoped

That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. And if that feeling goes unacknowledged, it tends to linger. It can quietly turn into discouragement, or make you question whether you belong in the room at all.

What’s actually helpful

Trying to ignore jealousy doesn’t really work, and neither does pretending it’s not there. What does help is learning how to move through it.

Sometimes that looks like simply naming it:

> This is comparison

> This is insecurity

> This is jealousy

Not as a judgment, just as awareness.

Sometimes it means getting curious instead of critical. Asking yourself things like:

> What am I actually feeling right now? (Sadness, discouragement, etc.)

> What would it look like to be inspired vs jealous?

> How can I work on getting a little bit closer to my goals today?

Because often, jealousy is just pointing toward something you really care about.

It can also look like softening your inner dialogue just a little. Not forcing positivity, but allowing space for honesty:

* This is hard...

* I’m still learning...

* I don’t have to be further along to keep going...

And sometimes, it’s as simple as being mindful of what you’re taking in, especially online. If something consistently leaves you feeling discouraged instead of inspired, it’s okay to step back. That’s not avoidance. That’s protecting your peace.

A different way to look at it...

Jealousy doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. If anything, it usually means the opposite.

It means you care.

It means this matters to you.

It means you’re invested.

And that’s not something to write off or feel bad about.

The part that matters most

The goal isn’t to eliminate jealousy completely, because that’s probably not realistic. The goal is to not let it decide whether you keep showing up. Because if you can keep showing up (even when things feel messy or emotional or uncertain) that’s where growth actually happens.

If you’ve felt this before, you’re not a bad person. You’re just navigating something that’s very human (and very common), in an art form that asks a lot of you.

And the fact that you’re still here, still trying, still showing up?

That's what matters.♥ Here cheering you on....

xx, Hannah

PS If you enjoyed this post, check out the full podcast episode below: